Warrior-Mom
Parenting a Child with Mental Illness with Purpose and Not Fear
A year ago Rose tried to commit suicide. The event capsulated nine years of mood swings, melt-downs, insomnia, obstinance, impulsiveness, anxiety and depression.
Fear wove itself into the fabric of my parenting.
I avoid things that cause her anxiety — extra curricular activities, stores, restaurants, large gatherings of people.
I pick and choose my battles — and the battles I don’t choose often hurt or haunt me.
I parent as if I’m walking through a minefield — afraid that she will explode, harm herself or others if I step wrong.
I find nothing to laugh about in the meme “At least I kept the kids alive today” — for me, this isn’t a laughable accomplishment but a parenting goal. Therein lies the problem. The central goal of my parenting is to keep Rose alive.
I parent in survival mode — hoping we survive one more day.
Sunday, God convinced me that my focus is wrong. It was Child Dedication Sunday and the pastor read Psalm 127:3–5
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
The Hebrew word “heritage” implies that children belong to the Lord — they are His and not ours. The gears of my mind began to turn —
Rose belongs to God, not me.
I have to trust that He treasures her as His possession and even as He drew near to Elijah and David in the midst of their depression — He will draw near to Rose.
Rose is an arrow. Arrows have purpose.
Although I am blessed that she is in my quiver, an arrow is useless inside the quiver. The warriors job is to whittle away at the arrow, buffing it, making sure that it will shoot straight and hit it’s target. Instead of parenting so that my arrow will hit the target it is meant for, I’ve been polishing my arrow and keeping it safely tucked inside the quiver — making sure it doesn’t break.
God created Rose with a purpose. A purpose to glorify Him and to lead others to glorify Him. As her parent, instead of simply helping her survive, I need to help her discover and develop that purpose.
Instead of focusing on her challenges, I need to focus on the gifts, abilities, personality, and passions God has woven into her.
God did not make a mistake when He created her with mental illness — He will use each and every hurt to help her comfort others as He comforts her. God didn’t miss a stitch when He knit her together in her mother’s womb — she is hand-made by God for the purpose He has created her for. He has given her everything she needs to hit the target He has prepared for her — including, but not limited to, me as her warrior-mom.
So, I will no longer be leaving her in the quiver. I’ll be taking her out, polishing her, straightening her, and preparing her to fly straight and hit the target that God has prepared in advance for her.
I will no longer parent in fear, but with purpose.
Bible Verses Referenced to:
Exodus 19:5 Now therefore, if you will indeed obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession among all peoples, for all the earth is mine;
I Kings 19 — Story of Elijah and how God ministered to him in his time of depression
Psalms 32, 38, 51 — A few Psalms that express David’s depression and trust in God to heal him
Isaiah 43:7 everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.
II Corinthians 1:3–4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
Psalm 139:13 For you formed my inward parts;you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
II Peter 1:3 His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence
Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
